Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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