No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
