What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
