I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
