The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
