Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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