good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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