Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
