He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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