Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
