we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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