Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
