so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Less talking, more tequila
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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