Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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