This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
