he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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