We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
