i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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