id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
