i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
