Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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