I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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