I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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