I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
All the doctor said was why
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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