The maid of honor just puked.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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