i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to