Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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