I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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