Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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