Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
