I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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