Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
