There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
