Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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