How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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