We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
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I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
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If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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