when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
