you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Found the puke drawer
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
