we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
