At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
