it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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