The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
COCAINE IS GR8
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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