I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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