Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
