foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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