I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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