I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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