You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
