dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
