the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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