tell your sister to shave her snatch
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize