I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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