STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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