He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
