I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
