just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
