Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize