i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
