the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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