So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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